<Ostap Bender, who wants to get from Ellochka
the two Gambs* stools from Vorob'yaninov's old
house that she happened to buy in the auction (in one of the
twelve stools of the complete set a treasure is concealed under the
upholstery)>
By "stools" I meant chairs, of course. The
original title of Ilf and Petrov's novel is Dvenadzat' stul'ev ("The
Twelve Chairs"**), stul being Russian for both "chair"
and "stool" (but only in the in the sense "fecal matter;" cf. "[Van, before his
duel with Tapper] had a structurally perfect
stool"). Interestingly, Russian word for "stool" (in the sense
"piece of furniture," a single seat or a short, low support) is taburet
or taburetka. This word occurs in both "The Twelve Chairs"
(1927) and its sequel, "The Golden Calf" (1931). In the former novel,
Ostap Bender mockingly calls Vorob'yaninov okhotnik za taburetkami
("the stool hunter").*** In "The Golden Calf," Ostap affirms that
samogon (home-distilled vodka) can be distilled even from a plain
stool. "Some love taburetovka (the samogon distilled from a
stool)," he says to two American tourists who came to Russia in the hope to
find a recipe of the samogon (it was in the days of the "dry law" in
the USA; Ostap offers to the Americans a recipe of any of the 150
samogon sorts that he knows and even draws for them, as a bonus, a
construction of the best samogon distiller that can be made at home and
concealed from strange eyes in tumba, the largest
compartment of a writing desk). Taburet(ka) is
an interesting word that certainly deserves to be included in my charadoid
(because it confirms that the truth is in vino). Batum
= tumba (Morris pillar; compartment of a writing desk) = tabu
("taboo") + m = taburet + arm (cf. "arm of a chair" and
arm, German for "poor") - Terra...
Interestingly, chair is French for "flesh." Let me remind you
that in the ending of "The Twelve Chairs" Vorob'yaninov murders
Bender, while the latter is sleeping, with a safaty razor.
But in "The Golden Calf" Bender is resurrected (like one of Ada's lovers, the
actor Johnny Starling, who committed a suicide,**** Ostap was saved by the
surgeons, as he explains in the novel to Shura Balaganov). When one is
murdered with a razor, one usually looses a lot of blood. Now, what would you
say about this anagram:
samogon krovi + on = mnogo vina skoro (samogon
krovi, "the samogon of blood," is the title of the poet Max Voloshin's
article on death penalty, included in his book "Russia the Crucified",
1920; on is Russian for "he;" the phrase mnogo vina skoro
means "a lot of wine soon")?
*Gambs (Hambs, 1765-1831) is a St.
Petersburgian furniture maker.
**The title of this novel strangely echoes
Dvenadtsat' ("The Twelve"), that of Blok's poem (1921).
***Chapter Thirty Three, "The Expulsion from
Paradise."
****He shot himself, fatally damaging his
brain and loosing the ability to speak. But cruel Van says to Lucette that
Johnny still can act the speachless eunuch in "Stambul, my bulbul" or the stable
boy disguised as kennel girl who brings a letter (2.5). On the other hand,
Ostap Suleiman Ibrahim Berta Maria Bender bey often says that his
father was a Turkish subject. In my article serialized in the two last issues of
"The Nabokovian" I compare three blackmailers: the Frenchman Lambert in
Dostoevsky's "The Adolescent," Ostap Bender (who, in "The Golden
Calf," blackmails the secret millionaire Koreiko) and Ada's Kim
Beauharnais.
Alexey Sklyarenko