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Jenny Jones Deconstructs Guest (fwd)
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***Cannot resist forwarding this one. Since Rorty is, among other things,
a Nabokov critic, we can even pretend it has some relevance for the list.
I don't know where it originated or who is responsible for writing it.
Does anyone out there know? I am sure it must have crossed other people's
e-mails as well. GD***
---------- Forwarded message ----------
>>
>> JENNY JONES: Boy, we have a show for you today! Recently, the University
>> of
>> Virginia philosopher Richard Rorty made the stunning declaration that
>> nobody
>> has "the foggiest idea" what postmodernism means. "It would be nice to get
>> rid of it," he said. "It isn't exactly an idea; it's a word that pretends
>> to
>> stand for an idea."
>>
>> This shocking admission that there is no such thing as postmodernism has
>> produced a firestorm of protest around the country. Thousands of authors,
>> critics and graduate students who'd considered themselves postmodernists
>> are
>> outraged at the betrayal.
>>
>> Today we have with us a writer-a recovering postmodernist-who believes
>> that
>> his literary career and personal life have been irreparably damaged by the
>> theory, and who feels defrauded by the academics who promulgated it. He
>> wishes to remain anonymous, so we'll call him "Alex."
>>
>> Alex, as an adolescent, before you began experimenting with postmodernism,
>> you considered yourself-what?
>>
>> Close shot of ALEX.
>>
>> An electronic blob obscures his face. Words appear at bottom of screen:
>> "Says he was traumatized by postmodernism and blames academics." ALEX (his
>> voice electronically altered): A high modernist. Y'know, Pound, Eliot,
>> Georges Braque, Wallace Stevens, Arnold Schoenberg, Mies van der Rohe. I
>> had
>> all of Schoenberg's 78's.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: And then you started reading people like Jean-Francois
>> Lyotard
>> and Jean Baudrillard-how did that change your feelings about your
>> modernist
>> heroes?
>>
>> ALEX: I suddenly felt that they were, like, stifling and canonical.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: Stifling and canonical? That is so sad, such a waste. How old
>> were you when you first read Fredric Jameson?
>>
>> ALEX: Nine, I think. The AUDIENCE gasps.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: We have some pictures of young Alex. ... We see snapshots of
>> 14-year-old ALEX reading Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari's
>> "Anti-Oedipus:
>> Capitalism and Schizophrenia." The AUDIENCE oohs and ahs.
>>
>> ALEX: We used to go to a friend's house after school-y'know, his parents
>> were never home-and we'd read, like, Paul Virilio and Julia Kristeva.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: So you're only 14, and you're already skeptical toward the
>> "grand narratives" of modernity, you're questioning any belief system that
>> claims universality or transcendence. Why?
>>
>> ALEX: I guess-to be cool.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: So, peer pressure?
>>
>> ALEX: I guess.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: And do you remember how you felt the very first time you
>> entertained the notion that you and your universe are constituted by
>> language-that reality is a cultural construct, a "text" whose meaning is
>> determined by infinite associations with other "texts"?
>>
>> ALEX: Uh, it felt, like, good. I wanted to do it again. The AUDIENCE
>> groans.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: You were arrested at about this time?
>>
>> ALEX: For spray-painting "The Hermeneutics of Indeterminacy" on an
>> overpass.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: You're the child of a mixed marriage--is that right?
>>
>> ALEX: My father was a de Stijl Wittgensteinian and my mom was a
>> neo-pre-Raphaelite.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: Do you think that growing up in a mixed marriage made you
>> more
>> vulnerable to the siren song of postmodernism?
>>
>> ALEX: Absolutely. It's hard when you're a little kid not to be able to
>> just
>> come right out and say (sniffles), y'know, I'm an Imagist or I'm a
>> phenomenologist or I'm a post-painterly abstractionist. It's really hard
>> especially around the holidays. (He cries.)
>>
>> JENNY JONES: I hear you. Was your wife a postmodernist?
>>
>> ALEX: Yes. She was raised avant-pop, which is a fundamentalist offshoot of
>> postmodernism.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: How did she react to Rorty's admission that postmodernism was
>> essentially a hoax?
>>
>> ALEX: She was devastated. I mean, she's got all the John Zorn albums and
>> the
>> entire Semiotext(e) series. She was crushed.
>>
>> We see ALEX'S WIFE in the audience, weeping softly, her hands covering her
>> face.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: And you were raising your daughter as a postmodernist?
>>
>> ALEX: Of course. That's what makes this particularly tragic. I mean, how
>> do
>> you explain to a 5-year-old that self-consciously recycling cultural
>> detritus is suddenly no longer a valid art form when, for her entire life,
>> she's been taught that it is?
>>
>> JENNY JONES: Tell us how you think postmodernism affected your career as a
>> novelist.
>>
>> ALEX: I disavowed writing that contained real ideas or any real passion.
>> My
>> work became disjunctive, facetious and nihilistic. It was all blank
>> parody,
>> irony enveloped in more irony. It merely recapitulated the pernicious
>> banality of television and advertising. I found myself indiscriminately
>> incorporating any and all kinds of pop kitsch and shlock. (He begins to
>> weep
>> again.)
>>
>> JENNY JONES: And this spilled over into your personal life?
>>
>> ALEX: It was impossible for me to experience life with any emotional
>> intensity. I couldn't control the irony anymore. I perceived my own
>> feelings
>> as if they were in quotes. I italicized everything and everyone. It became
>> impossible for me to appraise the quality of anything. To me everything
>> was
>> equivalent-the Brandenburg Concertos and the Lysol jingle had the same
>> value. (He breaks down, sobbing.)
>>
>> JENNY JONES: Now, you're involved in a lawsuit, aren't you?
>>
>> ALEX: Yes. I'm suing the Modern Language Association.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: How confident are you about winning?
>>
>> ALEX: We need to prove that, while they were actively propounding it,
>> academics knew all along that postmodernism was a specious theory. If we
>> can
>> unearth some intradepartmental memos-y'know, a paper trail, any
>> corroboration that they knew postmodernism was worthless cant at the same
>> time they were teaching it, then I think we have an excellent shot at
>> establishing liability.
>>
>> JENNY JONES wades into audience and proffers microphone to a woman.
>>
>> WOMAN (with lateral head-bobbing): It's ironic that Barry Scheck is
>> representing the M.L.A. in this litigation because Scheck is the
>> postmodern
>> attorney par excellence. This is the guy who's made a career of
>> volatilizing
>> truth in the simulacrum of exculpation!
>>
>> VOICE FROM AUDIENCE: You go, girl!
>>
>> WOMAN: Scheck is the guy who came up with the quintessentially postmodern
>> re-bleed defense for O.J., which claims that O.J. merely vigorously shook
>> Ron and Nicole, thereby re-aggravating pre-existing knife wounds. I'd just
>> like to say to any client of Barry Scheck-lose that zero and get a hero!
>>
>> The AUDIENCE cheers wildly.
>>
>> WOMAN: Uh, I forgot my question.
>>
>> Dissolve to message on screen: If you believe that mathematician Andrew
>> Wiles' proof of Fermat's last theorem has caused you or a member of your
>> family to dress too provocatively, call (800) 555-9455.
>>
>> Dissolve back to studio.In the audience, JENNY JONES extends the
>> microphone
>> to a man in his mid-30's with a scruffy beard and a bandana around his
>> head.
>>
>> MAN WITH BANDANA: I'd like to say that this "Alex" is the single worst
>> example of pointless irony in American literature, and this whole
>> heartfelt
>> renunciation of postmodernism is a ploy-it's just more irony.
>>
>> The AUDIENCE whistles and hoots.
>>
>> ALEX: You think this is a ploy?! (He tears futilely at the electronic
>> blob.)
>> This is my face!
>> The AUDIENCE recoils in horror.
>>
>> ALEX: This is what can happen to people who naively embrace postmodernism,
>> to people who believe that the individual-the autonomous, individualist
>> subject-is dead. They become a palimpsest of media pastiche-a mask of
>> metastatic irony.
>>
>> JENNY JONES (biting lip and shaking her head): That is so sad. Alex- final
>> words?
>>
>> ALEX: I'd just like to say that self-consciousness and irony seem like fun
>> at first, but they can destroy your life. I know. You gotta be earnest, be
>> real. Real feelings are important. Objective reality does exist.
>>
>> AUDIENCE members whoop, stomp and pump fists in the air.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: I'd like to thank Alex for having the courage to come on
>> today
>> and share his experience with us.
>>
>> Join us for tomorrow's show, "The End of Manichean, Bipolar Geopolitics
>> Turned My Boyfriend Into an Insatiable Sex Freak (and I Love It!)."
>>
>
a Nabokov critic, we can even pretend it has some relevance for the list.
I don't know where it originated or who is responsible for writing it.
Does anyone out there know? I am sure it must have crossed other people's
e-mails as well. GD***
---------- Forwarded message ----------
>>
>> JENNY JONES: Boy, we have a show for you today! Recently, the University
>> of
>> Virginia philosopher Richard Rorty made the stunning declaration that
>> nobody
>> has "the foggiest idea" what postmodernism means. "It would be nice to get
>> rid of it," he said. "It isn't exactly an idea; it's a word that pretends
>> to
>> stand for an idea."
>>
>> This shocking admission that there is no such thing as postmodernism has
>> produced a firestorm of protest around the country. Thousands of authors,
>> critics and graduate students who'd considered themselves postmodernists
>> are
>> outraged at the betrayal.
>>
>> Today we have with us a writer-a recovering postmodernist-who believes
>> that
>> his literary career and personal life have been irreparably damaged by the
>> theory, and who feels defrauded by the academics who promulgated it. He
>> wishes to remain anonymous, so we'll call him "Alex."
>>
>> Alex, as an adolescent, before you began experimenting with postmodernism,
>> you considered yourself-what?
>>
>> Close shot of ALEX.
>>
>> An electronic blob obscures his face. Words appear at bottom of screen:
>> "Says he was traumatized by postmodernism and blames academics." ALEX (his
>> voice electronically altered): A high modernist. Y'know, Pound, Eliot,
>> Georges Braque, Wallace Stevens, Arnold Schoenberg, Mies van der Rohe. I
>> had
>> all of Schoenberg's 78's.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: And then you started reading people like Jean-Francois
>> Lyotard
>> and Jean Baudrillard-how did that change your feelings about your
>> modernist
>> heroes?
>>
>> ALEX: I suddenly felt that they were, like, stifling and canonical.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: Stifling and canonical? That is so sad, such a waste. How old
>> were you when you first read Fredric Jameson?
>>
>> ALEX: Nine, I think. The AUDIENCE gasps.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: We have some pictures of young Alex. ... We see snapshots of
>> 14-year-old ALEX reading Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari's
>> "Anti-Oedipus:
>> Capitalism and Schizophrenia." The AUDIENCE oohs and ahs.
>>
>> ALEX: We used to go to a friend's house after school-y'know, his parents
>> were never home-and we'd read, like, Paul Virilio and Julia Kristeva.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: So you're only 14, and you're already skeptical toward the
>> "grand narratives" of modernity, you're questioning any belief system that
>> claims universality or transcendence. Why?
>>
>> ALEX: I guess-to be cool.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: So, peer pressure?
>>
>> ALEX: I guess.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: And do you remember how you felt the very first time you
>> entertained the notion that you and your universe are constituted by
>> language-that reality is a cultural construct, a "text" whose meaning is
>> determined by infinite associations with other "texts"?
>>
>> ALEX: Uh, it felt, like, good. I wanted to do it again. The AUDIENCE
>> groans.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: You were arrested at about this time?
>>
>> ALEX: For spray-painting "The Hermeneutics of Indeterminacy" on an
>> overpass.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: You're the child of a mixed marriage--is that right?
>>
>> ALEX: My father was a de Stijl Wittgensteinian and my mom was a
>> neo-pre-Raphaelite.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: Do you think that growing up in a mixed marriage made you
>> more
>> vulnerable to the siren song of postmodernism?
>>
>> ALEX: Absolutely. It's hard when you're a little kid not to be able to
>> just
>> come right out and say (sniffles), y'know, I'm an Imagist or I'm a
>> phenomenologist or I'm a post-painterly abstractionist. It's really hard
>> especially around the holidays. (He cries.)
>>
>> JENNY JONES: I hear you. Was your wife a postmodernist?
>>
>> ALEX: Yes. She was raised avant-pop, which is a fundamentalist offshoot of
>> postmodernism.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: How did she react to Rorty's admission that postmodernism was
>> essentially a hoax?
>>
>> ALEX: She was devastated. I mean, she's got all the John Zorn albums and
>> the
>> entire Semiotext(e) series. She was crushed.
>>
>> We see ALEX'S WIFE in the audience, weeping softly, her hands covering her
>> face.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: And you were raising your daughter as a postmodernist?
>>
>> ALEX: Of course. That's what makes this particularly tragic. I mean, how
>> do
>> you explain to a 5-year-old that self-consciously recycling cultural
>> detritus is suddenly no longer a valid art form when, for her entire life,
>> she's been taught that it is?
>>
>> JENNY JONES: Tell us how you think postmodernism affected your career as a
>> novelist.
>>
>> ALEX: I disavowed writing that contained real ideas or any real passion.
>> My
>> work became disjunctive, facetious and nihilistic. It was all blank
>> parody,
>> irony enveloped in more irony. It merely recapitulated the pernicious
>> banality of television and advertising. I found myself indiscriminately
>> incorporating any and all kinds of pop kitsch and shlock. (He begins to
>> weep
>> again.)
>>
>> JENNY JONES: And this spilled over into your personal life?
>>
>> ALEX: It was impossible for me to experience life with any emotional
>> intensity. I couldn't control the irony anymore. I perceived my own
>> feelings
>> as if they were in quotes. I italicized everything and everyone. It became
>> impossible for me to appraise the quality of anything. To me everything
>> was
>> equivalent-the Brandenburg Concertos and the Lysol jingle had the same
>> value. (He breaks down, sobbing.)
>>
>> JENNY JONES: Now, you're involved in a lawsuit, aren't you?
>>
>> ALEX: Yes. I'm suing the Modern Language Association.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: How confident are you about winning?
>>
>> ALEX: We need to prove that, while they were actively propounding it,
>> academics knew all along that postmodernism was a specious theory. If we
>> can
>> unearth some intradepartmental memos-y'know, a paper trail, any
>> corroboration that they knew postmodernism was worthless cant at the same
>> time they were teaching it, then I think we have an excellent shot at
>> establishing liability.
>>
>> JENNY JONES wades into audience and proffers microphone to a woman.
>>
>> WOMAN (with lateral head-bobbing): It's ironic that Barry Scheck is
>> representing the M.L.A. in this litigation because Scheck is the
>> postmodern
>> attorney par excellence. This is the guy who's made a career of
>> volatilizing
>> truth in the simulacrum of exculpation!
>>
>> VOICE FROM AUDIENCE: You go, girl!
>>
>> WOMAN: Scheck is the guy who came up with the quintessentially postmodern
>> re-bleed defense for O.J., which claims that O.J. merely vigorously shook
>> Ron and Nicole, thereby re-aggravating pre-existing knife wounds. I'd just
>> like to say to any client of Barry Scheck-lose that zero and get a hero!
>>
>> The AUDIENCE cheers wildly.
>>
>> WOMAN: Uh, I forgot my question.
>>
>> Dissolve to message on screen: If you believe that mathematician Andrew
>> Wiles' proof of Fermat's last theorem has caused you or a member of your
>> family to dress too provocatively, call (800) 555-9455.
>>
>> Dissolve back to studio.In the audience, JENNY JONES extends the
>> microphone
>> to a man in his mid-30's with a scruffy beard and a bandana around his
>> head.
>>
>> MAN WITH BANDANA: I'd like to say that this "Alex" is the single worst
>> example of pointless irony in American literature, and this whole
>> heartfelt
>> renunciation of postmodernism is a ploy-it's just more irony.
>>
>> The AUDIENCE whistles and hoots.
>>
>> ALEX: You think this is a ploy?! (He tears futilely at the electronic
>> blob.)
>> This is my face!
>> The AUDIENCE recoils in horror.
>>
>> ALEX: This is what can happen to people who naively embrace postmodernism,
>> to people who believe that the individual-the autonomous, individualist
>> subject-is dead. They become a palimpsest of media pastiche-a mask of
>> metastatic irony.
>>
>> JENNY JONES (biting lip and shaking her head): That is so sad. Alex- final
>> words?
>>
>> ALEX: I'd just like to say that self-consciousness and irony seem like fun
>> at first, but they can destroy your life. I know. You gotta be earnest, be
>> real. Real feelings are important. Objective reality does exist.
>>
>> AUDIENCE members whoop, stomp and pump fists in the air.
>>
>> JENNY JONES: I'd like to thank Alex for having the courage to come on
>> today
>> and share his experience with us.
>>
>> Join us for tomorrow's show, "The End of Manichean, Bipolar Geopolitics
>> Turned My Boyfriend Into an Insatiable Sex Freak (and I Love It!)."
>>
>